Run from the Panic Man

I'm one of those people that actually works better under pressure. If I have a paper due tomorrow-or today, even, I can churn out those pages like none other. If it's due in a week, I congratulate myself if I've even read what it's about. Even if I don't procrastinate, there are times when the stress just hits me like a hammer.

With my two worst finals left, books to sell back, LOTS of packing-apparently I have a lot of stuff-and my family coming in town, this is one of those times. I begin to worry that I won't finish in time-and yes, I have until Saturday to have all of my things out of the apartment, but no doubt I will be entertaining family thursday and friday for my sister's graduation, so I am packing like a madman today. It's weird, because I keep remembering more and more things to pack. The number of boxes I have is getting smaller, but my stuff just keeps multiplying. One more box? No, maybe two-three-oh, just bring 10. I have too much stuff!

I find a strange satisfaction in packing. Perhaps it is because I am preparing to go home. and I am unbelieveably excited. It could be that although I may not do well in school, at least I can accomplish something! I wonder if UPS is hiring....

In reality, I really think I just want to go home, and packing passes the time. Once I am packed, I can go home, right? That's what I keep hoping. Eventually I'll be done, and then I'll get on that plane and all the stress falls off me. Until I get home, and the unpacking begins.

Writer's Unblock

sunlight bright
forcing me to be alive
allowing me to waken
forbidding the cold
helping the flowers grow
causing friendliness
giving love a chance
making us free

Though I don't appreciate the face that my arms and ears are burning from my rest in the sun today, I still enjoyed myself, people watching and feeling the warm sun on me. It's a feeling that can't really be compared to anything else. It's like pure light is touching you.

I love spring!

ZZZZZ..............

I read an old friend's myspace page today, and he had a theory of momentum where if you have nothing to do, you aren't stressed or upset about things, but you feel completely empty, which is even worse. He said that he would rather feel something than sit there doing and feeling nothing, so he says to go for life!

I feel this way a lot too. My schedule's rather lighter this semester, which you'd think means that I'd have more time to do well in all of my classes, but instead it has turned me into a slacker and I hate it. I keep getting so bored!!! I want something to do....It's funny, but I keep feeling like I should pack soon for going home. I always start packing for things way in advance, because I feel like I won't have enough time. Both times I moved homes growing up I packed up stuff in my room before half the house was packed up. Unfortunately, with a month left of being in Provo, I need almost all I would want to pack. At some point I'm going to have a Purging Party, where I get rid of all the excess stuff I have in my room, so I can actually have a managable life.

I'd really like to get into writing again, but I just can't seem to find my inspiration. Do you have it?

Some days I have to remind myself that no one's going to slap my wrist if I don't do something. This is both good and bad for me. Bad, because that is no longer a motivator for me to do something, and good, because I tend to get stressed if I can't accomplish anything.

Suddenly my apartment feels really stuffy. It's time to head outside.