I'll try to not burn the apartment down...

Life takes funny turns sometimes.

It's funny how sometimes you can feel really grown-up, and sometimes really immature.

We talked in my aging class about how you're an adult when your parents stop being "Santa Claus" and you finally give things back to people, even if your contributions are small. The idea that I can finally contribute makes me feel happy, in a serious way.

One person told me a lesson I taught on marriage had stuck with her, and another person asked me for relationship advice, and told me it was good advice.

I'm finally feeling maybe what I'm doing with my life, and my major, could be something good.

Another person I've looked up to for things my whole life asked me for something.

I think I like this Christmas present.

Let's Play Rachel's Game!

I like being happy.

Do you know what makes me happy? Here is a list of a few things:

-great ideas late at night that never come to pass

-purple pens

-sweaters

-cake

-chivalry

-roommates

-quotes that are imortalized seconds after being said

-new versions of "rock,paper, scissors"

-laughing

-cases of those small oranges

-fleece blankets

-watching movies when I should be studying

-quiet boys

-christmas songs

-hot chocolate

-phone calls

-caramel and cheese popcorn mixed

-crisp air

-walking in the snow

-cream soda

-Thousand Paper Cranes

-romance

-inside jokes

-other people's snacks

-sunday dinner

-writing stories

-scum (the game)

-missionary letters

Maybe simple things influence my happiness, but I think that's a good thing.

November

November is usually a very interesting month for me. Towards the end of it is Thanksgiving, so I am looking forward to going home for that. For some reason, Thanksgiving holiday is different than Christmas. Christmas is awesome (especially since it's more than a week long), but usually I'm taking finals right up until I leave so I feel less excited, plus I was home just a couple weeks ago.

Thanksgiving, I'm usually reaching the end of my tether, as far as school is concerned, so I'm much more excited to go. This year, though, I will be spending it in OKC for the first time with just my parents. Last year, at least Sarah and Grandma were there with me. I think if it had been like this two years ago, when I first came to college, I would have hated it. I would have been so desperate for my extended family I would have been miserable. This year, I think I'll be fine. I no longer hate Oklahoma the way I thought I would. Isn't it interesting the way life changes?

By the way, I don't really like turkey.

Or pie.

Or Macy's Thanksgiving parade.

I do like rolls, stuffing, and green bean casserole, though.

And my family.

And my dog.

Happy November, Everyone!

And may I say, Kevin is the funniest librarian I know.

Yes, I did just hit my head on the doorframe

Today is not my day

Is it yours?

If I can’t be happy

I’d like you to be

I’ve got bruises

And sleep in my eyes

Today has little hope

But just maybe,

If today is your day

Our day can coincide

And today can be a pretty good day

I don’t want to ruin your plans

But I want both of us to be happy

So, let’s make it our day

Will you share?


I often wonder, if today is not "my day", then whose is it? I have hope that even if it does not start out as being my day, it will be by the end.

Today, Little Brother, Life is Good

You know, sometimes life is boring and unhappy, and you forget that life can actually be quite good.

I AM SO HAPPY!

The last month has been absolutely insane (hence no entries) but quite wonderful. I have been having the time of my life.

1-Sarah's wedding shower. I put a lot of effort into helping plan it, and despite making three quiches and the very last minute and some minor problems, it was a lot of fun. I enjoyed being part of the "adult world" and being able to contribute to Sarah's wedding.

2-Sarah's rehearsal dinner. Despite stressing over my MOH toast, I had fun talking to my extended family. Everyone really enjoyed my toast, and it made me feel good. My favorite part was my cousin Mae seeing my bridesmaid bracelet (similar to her flower girl bracelet) and saying, "are you a flower girl too?" It was so cute!

3-Sarah's wedding was completely awesome. The entire day was great. I loved everything, from getting our hair done to waiting on the peaceful temple grounds to chilling on a bench with Kevin during pictures to getting lunch at Arby's in the car on the way to the reception to the strawberry cream hors d'oeuvres to talking to all our family friends to spending most of the reception dancing with my cousins. IT WAS AWESOME! I think it's a day we're all going to look back on as one the happiest moments in our lives.

4-Starting my 3rd year of college. Despite starting a week late, despite being behind, this year is already awesome. I have three fantastic roommates who always make me laugh and encourage me to be a better person. Our apartment is great, the ward is friendly, and I like my classes already. I am really getting into my major now (Marriage, Family, and Human Development) and I know now more than ever that this is what I want to do.

5-Homecoming! Despite being talked into it my my roommates, I'm really glad I went. Our whole apartment went together with a huge group of eight. What girl doesn't like to be treated like a princess?

With all these great things happening, who knows what the year will bring?

Why aren't my eyebrows singed?

From May to August, as long as I've been home this summer, I've broken two glasses and a glass jar. I think this is a new record for me. I would like to point out all three times I was barefoot, and still avoided major injury. I think that's pretty lucky, don't you?

I've been stressed before. I think in the past year I've been stressed 60% of the time. So I'm used to it. The fact that pretty much everyone around me is stressed too is what makes me insane. I personally can't wait for life to settle down. I love my family, and I think they are mainly what make me happy. My life though, is set by routines. I like having a schedule of classes every day. I like walking the same way to class each week. I like ordering my favorite sandwich and getting the same soda from the vending machines. Perhaps my life sounds boring, but I find comfort in the monotony's. When I am in a routine, my brain is free to think.

I have been reading the Anne of green gables books lately, and I think I would find her to be a "kindred spirit". The only thing is, She doesn't dream so much and I still do. Tell me, where can I find Gilbert?

Thinking of vending machines really makes me want a red a&w cream soda now.

I'll tell you when you're 25

This weekend, I went to see The Fray in concert! It was pretty much the coolest thing ever. They sang all the songs I wanted, and they were just as good live as they are on the cd. The special effects really cool too! They did this flashing red and black thing during the song "Little House". I wish I could repeat that every time I listen to the song.

I also had a great time visiting St. Louis (where the concert was) though I could have done without the 2 1/2 hour delay of my flight........or the twenty minutes we spent driving a mere mile and a half on the highway...but the rest was great. Normally when we go up to St. Louis, it's either the 8 hour car ride from OKC or the 3 hour flight from Salt Lake, and both are torture. Then we have 50 million people to eat with and talk to and things to do, so it was nice to avoid all that and just have a good time. I'll post the pics from the concert later...when I eventually get them developed.

I love fireworks. Maybe I'm patriotic, or maybe I just like shiny things. We saw some today and we'll see some tomorrow too.

Tell me, is it worth it to get up at 8am for pancakes?

Flying Yogurt and Lots of Drama

"Every single person has at least one secret that would break your heart. If we could just remember this, I think there would be a lot more compassion and tolerance in the world"~Postsecrets~

This quote was on a friend's facebook page, and it really struck a chord with me, because I think it's true. If we realized this, all the people we thought were mean, or lazy, or apathetic, would suddenly have a reason for it, and we would empathize with them. Everyone has problems, but for some reason most people for get about everyone else's problems. Or, they notice the problems that can be seen, and forget the hidden problems.

Sometimes those who are doing nothing are going through a struggle you could not endure.

There is so much good music coming out this summer! I need a job just to keep up with all the music I want.

Here are the three things I am keeping my eye on:

1-Mandy's Moore's Wild Hope. At first I didn't think I would like it, since it sounds a bit folksy, and I like upbeat music. However, she was in Oklahoma City this week, and she did a live radio program that I listened to, and I want the whole cd. Really. And by the way, she is just as good live as she is on recording. How many artists do that?

2-Kelly Clarkson, whenever or whatever, I'm buying it. While I don't think I'll like the style of this new CD as much as Breakaway, it's Kelly. I have to buy it. Supposedly coming out this summer, I will pounce on it the week it hits the stores.

3-Maroon 5. At first their new single, Makes me Wonder, was just okay, but I've been listening to it since then, and it is slowly growing on me (not to mention it's been on almost every talk show in existance), and now I love it.

I love my family. That's all I'm going to say.

Run from the Panic Man

I'm one of those people that actually works better under pressure. If I have a paper due tomorrow-or today, even, I can churn out those pages like none other. If it's due in a week, I congratulate myself if I've even read what it's about. Even if I don't procrastinate, there are times when the stress just hits me like a hammer.

With my two worst finals left, books to sell back, LOTS of packing-apparently I have a lot of stuff-and my family coming in town, this is one of those times. I begin to worry that I won't finish in time-and yes, I have until Saturday to have all of my things out of the apartment, but no doubt I will be entertaining family thursday and friday for my sister's graduation, so I am packing like a madman today. It's weird, because I keep remembering more and more things to pack. The number of boxes I have is getting smaller, but my stuff just keeps multiplying. One more box? No, maybe two-three-oh, just bring 10. I have too much stuff!

I find a strange satisfaction in packing. Perhaps it is because I am preparing to go home. and I am unbelieveably excited. It could be that although I may not do well in school, at least I can accomplish something! I wonder if UPS is hiring....

In reality, I really think I just want to go home, and packing passes the time. Once I am packed, I can go home, right? That's what I keep hoping. Eventually I'll be done, and then I'll get on that plane and all the stress falls off me. Until I get home, and the unpacking begins.

Writer's Unblock

sunlight bright
forcing me to be alive
allowing me to waken
forbidding the cold
helping the flowers grow
causing friendliness
giving love a chance
making us free

Though I don't appreciate the face that my arms and ears are burning from my rest in the sun today, I still enjoyed myself, people watching and feeling the warm sun on me. It's a feeling that can't really be compared to anything else. It's like pure light is touching you.

I love spring!

ZZZZZ..............

I read an old friend's myspace page today, and he had a theory of momentum where if you have nothing to do, you aren't stressed or upset about things, but you feel completely empty, which is even worse. He said that he would rather feel something than sit there doing and feeling nothing, so he says to go for life!

I feel this way a lot too. My schedule's rather lighter this semester, which you'd think means that I'd have more time to do well in all of my classes, but instead it has turned me into a slacker and I hate it. I keep getting so bored!!! I want something to do....It's funny, but I keep feeling like I should pack soon for going home. I always start packing for things way in advance, because I feel like I won't have enough time. Both times I moved homes growing up I packed up stuff in my room before half the house was packed up. Unfortunately, with a month left of being in Provo, I need almost all I would want to pack. At some point I'm going to have a Purging Party, where I get rid of all the excess stuff I have in my room, so I can actually have a managable life.

I'd really like to get into writing again, but I just can't seem to find my inspiration. Do you have it?

Some days I have to remind myself that no one's going to slap my wrist if I don't do something. This is both good and bad for me. Bad, because that is no longer a motivator for me to do something, and good, because I tend to get stressed if I can't accomplish anything.

Suddenly my apartment feels really stuffy. It's time to head outside.

Simple Things

Sarah and her friends are doing posts involving five things that make you happy/smile. I'm doing something similiar, except mine is just going to be about the little things, things people don't notice, and don't take forever to explain. It doesn't mean they are more important than family, friends, God, or anything else, I'm just doing it my way.

#1-Sunshine walks to school

I say sunshine because walking to school freezing, wearing ten layers when it's overcast is not nearly as fun as wearing short sleeves, sunglasses and enjoying the warmth on your skin. I love walking to school because it is a time in my life where I am surrounded by silence and I can think about things, or I can not think at all if I need some quiet. It's a perfect break between working on stuff at home and furiously taking notes in class.


#2-Phone calls to friends

Even though I love have convenient the internet is and I'm on there every day for at least three hours, nothing replaces phone calls. I talk to my friend Ali almost every day online, but when her internet broke and I called her instead, I realized how much I had missed it.

#3-Music that defines my life

It amazes me how many songs feel like they were written for me. Some are happy, some are not, but music is like poetry in that it explains and understands the heart and soul more than any logic can.


#4- My dog

Once I had a friend that said she prefers cats over a dog because you have to work for a cat's affection where dogs just give it to whomever, but I quite prefer a dog's unconditional love (plus I can't stand cats). My dog makes me smile.




#5 Shopping

Did you know that shopping produces endorphins? I believe it. I love all forms of shopping: the dollar store, the bookstore, wal-mart, the mall, a scrapbooking store, whatever. Perhaps I just like things, perhaps I like to see what is out and popular, perhaps I just love the exercise. Either way, it's my favorite way to spend the day.

Is it so hard to find matching socks on a bad day?

My life is a mess.

I don't quite know how that happened, but it did. I've gotten to the point in the semester where I know longer care what happens. It's funny, because I could be studying for my tests coming up, or working on this semster, but instead I'm looking at classes for next semester, even though registration isn't for another month.

I think sometimes people look to the future becuase they don't like where they are now. It's like daydreaming: when class is boring, we think about something more enjoyable. Come fall I won't be so excited about my classes, but right now they sound great!

Do you ever dread telling someone something because you know you won't like their reaction, but you tell them anyway, hoping that you're wrong, and when you were right after all you feel completely crushed? I suppose we can't change how people think or feel any more than they can change us. Sometimes our friends aren't as perfect as we'd like them to be, but as they are human that's only to be expected.

I had a powerade once and I didn't like it, but for some reason, looking at the machines filled with them on campus makes me want one. I know I won't like the taste (to me it's like really weak lemonaide) but I stil have the desire for one. Why don't I just buy the drink I know I will like instead?

I think somewhere inside of me I refuse to accept to be ordinary, to stay still. I want to move forward, even if the future isn't any better than here. At least I will have moved.

Not bipolar, just...interesting

...blogger just erased what I had previously , so suffice it to say, I thought this video was really good. It is not mine obviously, but you should laugh with me to make me feel better.

Anyway...

Why am I unloved?

Refering to my last post, trying is harder than it originally seemed.





No one seems to be posting very much these past two months. Perhaps everyone just kind of shuts down during the winter months. I know I do. Why in the world would I go to a school where it is winter six months out of the year?





...It could be that the tuition is insanely cheap....or my amazing roommate...or BYU chocolate milk..you know.



I've been trying my hand at cooking lately, as I'm spending entirely too much money on subway each week. It's kind of fun, but a lot of work. Sometimes I wonder if it isn't worth it just to eat a can of broccoli cheese soup instead. But this week Jen and I made a chicken pasta dish that went all out with fresh cilantro, green peppers, onions, and a bechamel sauce too! It was a ton of work but very tasty.

Today I made chicken tacos, which were quite good. I hardly ever cook with chicken but it turned out quite well so I might buy more in the future. I don't know why cooking can be so hard, I mean it is just mixing ingredients but it is. It's funny, because at home I'll be helping to cook dinner or something and I'll be sitting there peeling a potato for 15 minutes with all these spots I've missed and half the potato on the counter and my mom will come over and speed through all the rest in like 30 seconds and they look perfect. It is amazing.

I've changed from being democratic to republican (don't eat me anyone!) and now I feel like I don't like anyone. Is that so bad?

If one more person goes to walk next to me on the way home from campus talking really loudly on their cell phone I will go jump of the Swickett.

Anyway...

Pensive, for once

Today, the weather was glorious. It was an amazingly perfect 50 degrees when I left wearing just a sweatshirt (no coat, gloves, scarf or hat in sight) and later on I wore just a shirt. The whole day I felt like I was missing something, because there was no bulky coat to carry around indoors, stuff in my chair in class or shed synthetic feathers on my clothes. If only every day was as today...

We watched Much Ado About Nothing (the movie) today and at first I wanted to marry a guy like Claudio and I wouldn't mind a quick marriage to him, but then he went crazy and clearly has some violent tendencies (i.e. throwing a bench at his fiance' because he thought she cheated on him) and I decided I wouldn't want him after all. Girls, always check to make sure he's not crazy.

My internet works! I am so happy that once more imdb, weather undergrond, wikipedia, my email, and of course my blog are at my fingertips once more. Though unfortunately I now have no excuse for not doing my online homework when at home.

I know there are a lot of things in life where "try your best" isn't good enough, but sometimes it is good enough for yourself. While pondering today the disparity of failing, I thought of the words of Michael Scott: "Never, ever give up". Isn't that the point of it all? Yes, we fail. We fail and we fall short all the time. That isn't what's important-what is important is that we keep trying and trying and even when we fall short, no one can say we didn't try, and that is the important thing.

Some people think that they're just emailng God and never getting any replies, but make sure he's listed as your friend so he doesn't go to the spam box by mistake. You could miss the most important message.

Why take drugs when you can have candy?

This is post number 27!!! Twenty-seven is my lucky number, so this must mean something special. Do you ever make wishes on stars or 11:11, knock on wood, or read fortunes in your cookies at Panda Express? To me, it doesn't actually mean anything, but it is just a part of having hope. If we have hope in nothing, what do we have?

Yesterday this guy was my partner for this activity in my sociology class. He said "Are you a sociology major?" I said yes, that I had actually declared it that day, as I'm a slacker. He told me that he was originally going to do mechanical engineering but it was too hard, and he had heard sociology was easy so that's why he was there. Then he said that he was preparing for law school!!!!

I get annoyed when people do a major or ask me if I'm doing sociology because it is easy or short. That has nothing to do with it! It's true it isn't intensely hard, but I'm there because I think it's interesting and important and I love it! Besides, changing the world isn't that easy, is it? Personally, though, if he's planning on law school looking for something easy isn't the way to go. If he wanted easy he should have stayed working at McDonalds. (Sorry, I'm harsh, aren't I?) At any rate, he showed up an hour late for the class (it runs 2 1/2 hours), and was bored the whole time, and couldn't wait to leave. I wanted to be like, "if you hate it so much, then leave!" Fortunately I restrained myself. This is what I get for sitting in the corner by the back door. Perhaps next week I'll sit in the other corner....

But yes, I did declare my major yesterday. Basically I just wrote my name, student id number, old and new major (I used to be English) and put my signature on a piece of paper, and then the guy at the desk says, "Okay, now you're a sociology major" and hands me a packet of the classes I need. It was decidedly eerie.

I've decided to make this time's favorite section on wedding colors! I've gone back and forth between pink, sea green, lavender, and periwinkle, but at the moment, it is.....

a deep, shimmery blue if it was during the fall or winter, and light blue for summer. I just love almost all shades of blue. Though I admit the blogger blue bar at the top is not my favorite....

anyway, I have three tests week and in my mind, I feel like I have plenty of time to study! I don't need to start until monday at least.

My life is a mess....isn't it great?

French Toast

I "helped" make french toast yesterday (meaning I dipped the bread in the egg stuff and flipped it over) and Sarah said I should blog on it, and I said, yes, I'll say I kinda made french toast but not really? And Kevin said that was a good idea, so here it is.

I have a confession: I've never liked french toast. It tends to slam your stomach, like hitting it with a hammer, which is why I usually don't eat breakfast foods in the morning, but this french toast was excellent.

I think it was the butter. Or the cinnamon. I don't really like eggs, though I ate scrambled eggs last night as well. I think I was in a strange food mood, considering I ate all day.

Here's what I ate yesterday:

a salami and cheese sandwich on a cinnamon rasin bagel

a cream soda

a ginger ale

a second salami sandwich

scrambled eggs

french toast

milk

yogurt burst cereal

cinnamon roll

a bowl of soup with two pieces of bread

hot chocolate

You would think that I'd explode after eating all that, and I did feel a bit sick.

Anyway, most of my blogs have been negative, but I am HAPPY.

Why?

I love my classes. I didn't think I would be excited to write surveys and write proposals, but I am. This semester is going to be awesome! Though, I think it will be slightly stressful, but that's okay. Last semester I only had 13 credits and had lots of free time, and it was horrible. I didn't read my textbooks, I didn't really do anything productive, and it wasn't intensely fun. So, that is all going to change this semester.

Above all else, I want to be happy! So, that's my official goal.

My favorite:

Pickles! (This was Jen's idea, not mine.)

The only kind of pickles I actually will eat are sweet pickles. I do not like pickles on hamburgers, sandwiches, salads, hot dogs, or any relish.

I will eat sweet pickles alone, though. They are quite tasty.

I'm not weak: Then Prove it!

Happy New Year, everyone! I am slightly less out of it, though I still feel sick. Strangely, I seem to be doing worse after starting the antibiotics. Is that a bad sign? As I'm leaving in three days for school, this means that I will have been sick for the ENTIRE BREAK. It kind of sucks, because this is usually when I get to do all my running around and shopping and stuff, but that is the last thing I feel like doing.

Anyway! I am going to list my new year's resolutions, so that maybe I'll actually do them.

1-start up my medication again.

Oh joy. Yes, I can hardly wait.

2-Go to class more often than missing.

I cannot afford to have grades like I did this past semester, so I really need to go. Especially since my classes start at 12 every day, I really have no excuse.

3-Do all my reading assignments.

Unfortuantely I got out of the habit of reading my textbooks in the middle of last semester, and there was so much to read I didn't catch up. If I stay on top of it all this time, I should do better.

Yay for Katie! I am going to rock school this year.

Why the torture?

I was sick, so I got antibiotics and they cured the infection, but now I'm sick again. WHY????? According to my Grandma, my dad would cough for a month after getting sick, and coughed the first three months my parents were dating. Thanks, Dad. .....I hit enter on this computer (my grandparent's) and nothing happens. I read this article online that people who are happier get sick less, and people who are unhappy get sick more. I ran this theory by my dad (as a possible explanation as to why I got sick when I was already unhappy and stressed and tired) and his response was basically "Don't be an idiot. That isn't why." So thank you dad, for being so compassionate. No, I love my dad. I just can't stand being sick, especially around Christmas. It gets in the way of everything I want to do. Grades are being posted tomorrow. I am gonna die. More later, on a better computer.