ZZZZZ..............

I read an old friend's myspace page today, and he had a theory of momentum where if you have nothing to do, you aren't stressed or upset about things, but you feel completely empty, which is even worse. He said that he would rather feel something than sit there doing and feeling nothing, so he says to go for life!

I feel this way a lot too. My schedule's rather lighter this semester, which you'd think means that I'd have more time to do well in all of my classes, but instead it has turned me into a slacker and I hate it. I keep getting so bored!!! I want something to do....It's funny, but I keep feeling like I should pack soon for going home. I always start packing for things way in advance, because I feel like I won't have enough time. Both times I moved homes growing up I packed up stuff in my room before half the house was packed up. Unfortunately, with a month left of being in Provo, I need almost all I would want to pack. At some point I'm going to have a Purging Party, where I get rid of all the excess stuff I have in my room, so I can actually have a managable life.

I'd really like to get into writing again, but I just can't seem to find my inspiration. Do you have it?

Some days I have to remind myself that no one's going to slap my wrist if I don't do something. This is both good and bad for me. Bad, because that is no longer a motivator for me to do something, and good, because I tend to get stressed if I can't accomplish anything.

Suddenly my apartment feels really stuffy. It's time to head outside.

Simple Things

Sarah and her friends are doing posts involving five things that make you happy/smile. I'm doing something similiar, except mine is just going to be about the little things, things people don't notice, and don't take forever to explain. It doesn't mean they are more important than family, friends, God, or anything else, I'm just doing it my way.

#1-Sunshine walks to school

I say sunshine because walking to school freezing, wearing ten layers when it's overcast is not nearly as fun as wearing short sleeves, sunglasses and enjoying the warmth on your skin. I love walking to school because it is a time in my life where I am surrounded by silence and I can think about things, or I can not think at all if I need some quiet. It's a perfect break between working on stuff at home and furiously taking notes in class.


#2-Phone calls to friends

Even though I love have convenient the internet is and I'm on there every day for at least three hours, nothing replaces phone calls. I talk to my friend Ali almost every day online, but when her internet broke and I called her instead, I realized how much I had missed it.

#3-Music that defines my life

It amazes me how many songs feel like they were written for me. Some are happy, some are not, but music is like poetry in that it explains and understands the heart and soul more than any logic can.


#4- My dog

Once I had a friend that said she prefers cats over a dog because you have to work for a cat's affection where dogs just give it to whomever, but I quite prefer a dog's unconditional love (plus I can't stand cats). My dog makes me smile.




#5 Shopping

Did you know that shopping produces endorphins? I believe it. I love all forms of shopping: the dollar store, the bookstore, wal-mart, the mall, a scrapbooking store, whatever. Perhaps I just like things, perhaps I like to see what is out and popular, perhaps I just love the exercise. Either way, it's my favorite way to spend the day.

Is it so hard to find matching socks on a bad day?

My life is a mess.

I don't quite know how that happened, but it did. I've gotten to the point in the semester where I know longer care what happens. It's funny, because I could be studying for my tests coming up, or working on this semster, but instead I'm looking at classes for next semester, even though registration isn't for another month.

I think sometimes people look to the future becuase they don't like where they are now. It's like daydreaming: when class is boring, we think about something more enjoyable. Come fall I won't be so excited about my classes, but right now they sound great!

Do you ever dread telling someone something because you know you won't like their reaction, but you tell them anyway, hoping that you're wrong, and when you were right after all you feel completely crushed? I suppose we can't change how people think or feel any more than they can change us. Sometimes our friends aren't as perfect as we'd like them to be, but as they are human that's only to be expected.

I had a powerade once and I didn't like it, but for some reason, looking at the machines filled with them on campus makes me want one. I know I won't like the taste (to me it's like really weak lemonaide) but I stil have the desire for one. Why don't I just buy the drink I know I will like instead?

I think somewhere inside of me I refuse to accept to be ordinary, to stay still. I want to move forward, even if the future isn't any better than here. At least I will have moved.

Not bipolar, just...interesting

...blogger just erased what I had previously , so suffice it to say, I thought this video was really good. It is not mine obviously, but you should laugh with me to make me feel better.

Anyway...

Why am I unloved?

Refering to my last post, trying is harder than it originally seemed.





No one seems to be posting very much these past two months. Perhaps everyone just kind of shuts down during the winter months. I know I do. Why in the world would I go to a school where it is winter six months out of the year?





...It could be that the tuition is insanely cheap....or my amazing roommate...or BYU chocolate milk..you know.



I've been trying my hand at cooking lately, as I'm spending entirely too much money on subway each week. It's kind of fun, but a lot of work. Sometimes I wonder if it isn't worth it just to eat a can of broccoli cheese soup instead. But this week Jen and I made a chicken pasta dish that went all out with fresh cilantro, green peppers, onions, and a bechamel sauce too! It was a ton of work but very tasty.

Today I made chicken tacos, which were quite good. I hardly ever cook with chicken but it turned out quite well so I might buy more in the future. I don't know why cooking can be so hard, I mean it is just mixing ingredients but it is. It's funny, because at home I'll be helping to cook dinner or something and I'll be sitting there peeling a potato for 15 minutes with all these spots I've missed and half the potato on the counter and my mom will come over and speed through all the rest in like 30 seconds and they look perfect. It is amazing.

I've changed from being democratic to republican (don't eat me anyone!) and now I feel like I don't like anyone. Is that so bad?

If one more person goes to walk next to me on the way home from campus talking really loudly on their cell phone I will go jump of the Swickett.

Anyway...

Pensive, for once

Today, the weather was glorious. It was an amazingly perfect 50 degrees when I left wearing just a sweatshirt (no coat, gloves, scarf or hat in sight) and later on I wore just a shirt. The whole day I felt like I was missing something, because there was no bulky coat to carry around indoors, stuff in my chair in class or shed synthetic feathers on my clothes. If only every day was as today...

We watched Much Ado About Nothing (the movie) today and at first I wanted to marry a guy like Claudio and I wouldn't mind a quick marriage to him, but then he went crazy and clearly has some violent tendencies (i.e. throwing a bench at his fiance' because he thought she cheated on him) and I decided I wouldn't want him after all. Girls, always check to make sure he's not crazy.

My internet works! I am so happy that once more imdb, weather undergrond, wikipedia, my email, and of course my blog are at my fingertips once more. Though unfortunately I now have no excuse for not doing my online homework when at home.

I know there are a lot of things in life where "try your best" isn't good enough, but sometimes it is good enough for yourself. While pondering today the disparity of failing, I thought of the words of Michael Scott: "Never, ever give up". Isn't that the point of it all? Yes, we fail. We fail and we fall short all the time. That isn't what's important-what is important is that we keep trying and trying and even when we fall short, no one can say we didn't try, and that is the important thing.

Some people think that they're just emailng God and never getting any replies, but make sure he's listed as your friend so he doesn't go to the spam box by mistake. You could miss the most important message.

Why take drugs when you can have candy?

This is post number 27!!! Twenty-seven is my lucky number, so this must mean something special. Do you ever make wishes on stars or 11:11, knock on wood, or read fortunes in your cookies at Panda Express? To me, it doesn't actually mean anything, but it is just a part of having hope. If we have hope in nothing, what do we have?

Yesterday this guy was my partner for this activity in my sociology class. He said "Are you a sociology major?" I said yes, that I had actually declared it that day, as I'm a slacker. He told me that he was originally going to do mechanical engineering but it was too hard, and he had heard sociology was easy so that's why he was there. Then he said that he was preparing for law school!!!!

I get annoyed when people do a major or ask me if I'm doing sociology because it is easy or short. That has nothing to do with it! It's true it isn't intensely hard, but I'm there because I think it's interesting and important and I love it! Besides, changing the world isn't that easy, is it? Personally, though, if he's planning on law school looking for something easy isn't the way to go. If he wanted easy he should have stayed working at McDonalds. (Sorry, I'm harsh, aren't I?) At any rate, he showed up an hour late for the class (it runs 2 1/2 hours), and was bored the whole time, and couldn't wait to leave. I wanted to be like, "if you hate it so much, then leave!" Fortunately I restrained myself. This is what I get for sitting in the corner by the back door. Perhaps next week I'll sit in the other corner....

But yes, I did declare my major yesterday. Basically I just wrote my name, student id number, old and new major (I used to be English) and put my signature on a piece of paper, and then the guy at the desk says, "Okay, now you're a sociology major" and hands me a packet of the classes I need. It was decidedly eerie.

I've decided to make this time's favorite section on wedding colors! I've gone back and forth between pink, sea green, lavender, and periwinkle, but at the moment, it is.....

a deep, shimmery blue if it was during the fall or winter, and light blue for summer. I just love almost all shades of blue. Though I admit the blogger blue bar at the top is not my favorite....

anyway, I have three tests week and in my mind, I feel like I have plenty of time to study! I don't need to start until monday at least.

My life is a mess....isn't it great?

French Toast

I "helped" make french toast yesterday (meaning I dipped the bread in the egg stuff and flipped it over) and Sarah said I should blog on it, and I said, yes, I'll say I kinda made french toast but not really? And Kevin said that was a good idea, so here it is.

I have a confession: I've never liked french toast. It tends to slam your stomach, like hitting it with a hammer, which is why I usually don't eat breakfast foods in the morning, but this french toast was excellent.

I think it was the butter. Or the cinnamon. I don't really like eggs, though I ate scrambled eggs last night as well. I think I was in a strange food mood, considering I ate all day.

Here's what I ate yesterday:

a salami and cheese sandwich on a cinnamon rasin bagel

a cream soda

a ginger ale

a second salami sandwich

scrambled eggs

french toast

milk

yogurt burst cereal

cinnamon roll

a bowl of soup with two pieces of bread

hot chocolate

You would think that I'd explode after eating all that, and I did feel a bit sick.

Anyway, most of my blogs have been negative, but I am HAPPY.

Why?

I love my classes. I didn't think I would be excited to write surveys and write proposals, but I am. This semester is going to be awesome! Though, I think it will be slightly stressful, but that's okay. Last semester I only had 13 credits and had lots of free time, and it was horrible. I didn't read my textbooks, I didn't really do anything productive, and it wasn't intensely fun. So, that is all going to change this semester.

Above all else, I want to be happy! So, that's my official goal.

My favorite:

Pickles! (This was Jen's idea, not mine.)

The only kind of pickles I actually will eat are sweet pickles. I do not like pickles on hamburgers, sandwiches, salads, hot dogs, or any relish.

I will eat sweet pickles alone, though. They are quite tasty.

I'm not weak: Then Prove it!

Happy New Year, everyone! I am slightly less out of it, though I still feel sick. Strangely, I seem to be doing worse after starting the antibiotics. Is that a bad sign? As I'm leaving in three days for school, this means that I will have been sick for the ENTIRE BREAK. It kind of sucks, because this is usually when I get to do all my running around and shopping and stuff, but that is the last thing I feel like doing.

Anyway! I am going to list my new year's resolutions, so that maybe I'll actually do them.

1-start up my medication again.

Oh joy. Yes, I can hardly wait.

2-Go to class more often than missing.

I cannot afford to have grades like I did this past semester, so I really need to go. Especially since my classes start at 12 every day, I really have no excuse.

3-Do all my reading assignments.

Unfortuantely I got out of the habit of reading my textbooks in the middle of last semester, and there was so much to read I didn't catch up. If I stay on top of it all this time, I should do better.

Yay for Katie! I am going to rock school this year.

Why the torture?

I was sick, so I got antibiotics and they cured the infection, but now I'm sick again. WHY????? According to my Grandma, my dad would cough for a month after getting sick, and coughed the first three months my parents were dating. Thanks, Dad. .....I hit enter on this computer (my grandparent's) and nothing happens. I read this article online that people who are happier get sick less, and people who are unhappy get sick more. I ran this theory by my dad (as a possible explanation as to why I got sick when I was already unhappy and stressed and tired) and his response was basically "Don't be an idiot. That isn't why." So thank you dad, for being so compassionate. No, I love my dad. I just can't stand being sick, especially around Christmas. It gets in the way of everything I want to do. Grades are being posted tomorrow. I am gonna die. More later, on a better computer.

Wake me When It's Over

My brain has gone under meltdown the past three days. It's a wonder that any of the stored information I crammed for finals was retrievable through my fogged head. Needless to say, I've been sick all week. I no longer want to take my throat out with a fork, but it's pretty close.

I'm going home tomorrow, so you'd think there are a million things I could be doing: cleaning, packing, doing laundry, studying for my last final...but unfortunately I can't seem to get the desire to do any of it. All I seem to want to do is read an old favorite in bed with some hot chocolate.

I've seen these things before, where you put your itunes on shuffle and whatever song comes up is supposed to answer your question, but a few actually worked. Others make no sense whatsoever. Here is the list, along with my commentary...

Opening Credits: Two Worlds-Tarzan Movie
I suppose that this song confirms my Dad's joke about one of us girls being adopted.

Waking Up: Jasmin-Yui Makino-Tsubasa Chronicle
A japanese anime song, it is actually very lively, something I would listen to while getting ready in the morning.

First Day At School: Marian the Librarian
I think this song implies that I'm a nerd, but I'm not!

Falling In Love: Save me from myself-Christina Aguilera
I really like this song. It does tend to come off like the person's suicidal, but I think really they are saving them from their own doubt and self-condemnation.

Fight Song: The Beat of My Heart-Hilary Duff
I really like the part where it says "I want you to see I'm not scared to dance." I think this song works!

Breaking Up: Thank You-Simple Plan
Though not too familiar with this particular song, I love Simple Plan, and I interpreted that this "Thank You" was actually quite sarcastic. Perhaps these boys need to listen to some more upbeat music....

Prom: Finale-The Secret Garden
Um...what? Though now that I think of it, our Prom's Theme was "Midsummer Night's Dream" and we had these fake trees so...it's kind of related, right?

Life's OK: Precious Savior, Dear Redeemer
A beautiful instrumental song (it's the accompaniment CD for my vocal class), it invokes peace, which is exactly what is needed when life isn't going so well. It is to the Savior, after all, that we look to for hope.

Mental Breakdown: Yakusoku-Ami, PGSM
One of my Japanese songs, I don't actually know what it's about, but it does not appear to be a breakdown kind of song....

Driving: Iowa Stubborn
I would never sing this song in the car or while driving. Ever.

Flashback: Stand-Rascal Flatts
I suppose you could think of this song when you need inspiration to do something, and you remember a time when you were brave.

Getting Back Together: Nothing Wrong-LDS P&P
Coincidentally, I think this song is played at the end of the movie (It's the reprise) when all the couples are together.

Wedding: Go Away From My Window- Folk Song Book
Uh huh....

Birth of Child: Piano Lesson
This is probably symbolistic of how I will end up with a daughter just as stubborn as me, in payment for how I was with my mother.

Final Battle: Home to Stay-Josh Groban
Oooh! I want to stay home with Josh Groban!

Death Scene: 7/10/02 Benton Paul
I don't really know what this song is about, but...it's sounds nice, so that's good...right?

Funeral Song: Steady as she goes-The Raconteurs
...huh?

End Credits: Wedding Celebration and Bottle Dance, Fiddler on the Roof
Right...I think I have too much weird music that keeps coming up.


Well, that was fun, but I'm rather hungry for dinner. That's probably something I can force myself into.

Sorry, I'm losing my mind

I'm not in a good mood. Sorry to everyone who's heard me rant today. Cleaning today, finals all week, and my world is a dark haze. Fortunately, we have to look for the good things in life, not dwell on the bad. I recently bought the book "Emma Brown" where 20 pages were written by Charlotte Bronte before she died and the rest finished by someone else. Everyone's life in this book completely sucks, but they learn to make the best of it. Normally those kind of books are a bit of a downer, but this book is really interesting!

My friend Ali makes anime music videos, and I love her new one, so if you by chance like Full Metal Alchemist (and romance), I highly suggest you watch her new video on You Tube.

I really want a cream soda now.

Animal Feet

Typos are very important to all written form. It gives the reader something to look for so they aren't distracted by the total lack of content in your writing. - Randy K. Milholland

This was today's quote on my gmail home page. My english teacher said once that most people think that english majors are anal about grammar, but he said that it wasn't true, that they focused more on the content than the grammar. Though I would like to point out if your grammar is truly terrible, it doesn't sound like you have content whether you do or not. Have you ever read a paper really bad? The written text should flow as easily as speaking (though some people have trouble in that department as well) and when you write badly, you sound like a moron. This may or not be true-it just comes off that way.

I haven't written on blogger in a while...I'm not sure why. I just haven't felt like writing. Do you ever feel like you're on a train and you suddenly realize you're not really sure where the train is going? You don't want to get off and be going nowhere, but you're suddenly not sure you want to end up where the train is going, and you can't find anywhere better to go.

I feel very stagnant right now. If I felt I was working toward something, perhaps I would feel better....

I have a strange desire to go caroling. Anyone want to join me?

I have to keep reminding myself that even if I fail at something I try to do, it's not at the end of the world. I have to remember that life is still okay.

I want people to miss me like I miss them. Is that so bad?

I didn't like this picture at first, but it's growing on me.

I think real love is different than the stories. This is probably a good thing. It feels like it would really work, with a wedding, and a family. Fairy Tales just kind of end after the wedding, where in real life they begin.

What are sheep feet like? are they paws, or hooves, or something else?

Why is researching sheep feet so much more interesting than revising my paper?

One week left. Let's survive....

The First Noel

Why is it the more work I have to do, the less I feel like doing?

Why is it that sometimes, you can "be working" on a paper for hours and realize you've written maybe a page, and other times you can churn out several pages without even realizing it?

My life is a mess. I feel like I've been asleep all semester and suddenly I've woken up and I want to do well in my classes, want to work hard, but have somehow forgotten how. I think I did really bad on my art history test....oh well. My teacher throws out one of our test grades, so mine will for sure be this one. I looked at the last question and said "huh?" I just made some stuff up on it.

I'm excited for next semester so I can start anew. It is very strange to go from high school where all your classes are a year, to go to college and have everything new each semester, but I rather like it that way.

I also love Christmas. It is my favorite holiday and I love buying people presents and I love shopping and I love decorating. I wish I had put up on our Christmas decorations at home before I left, though, because that's one of my favorite parts of Christmas. That and dancing around to Christmas music. And shopping. And figuring out what to get people for presents, even though they never react like you want them to. You want them to appreciate the time you spent agonizing over what to get them. Seriously, what do you even get grandparents? They are the hardest for me every year and I still have no clue what to buy them.

I don't think I've given my coat rant yet, so here it is. Both my coats are red because winter is dark and dreary and depressing, and red brightens it up! Yeah....which is weird, because almost all of my clothes are neutral colors or blue....

Today's favorite section is........my favorite class!

My favorite class this semester is Human Development. I am so intrigued class after class, and it hasn't gone away. Today my teacher showed a clip of the Today show with Katie Couric, talking about preschool "mean girls" (It was when the movie came out) and there is my teacher, sitting on the couch talking to Katie Couric in the video! I was so shocked, I nearly fell over. It was the coolest thing ever.

Beautiful Girl

I don't really know why I'm writing a blog at 12:30 at night when I'm dead tired, but I'm feeling it, so I'm writing it. Normally I'm not tired this late, but I've been getting up early all week to run around and do things. Actually, twice I've had to get ready in 40 minutes after being woken up and told we're meeting someone at a certain time. I hate being rushed in getting ready. In an ideal world, I would love to take like 3 hours getting ready, but even if I have that much time, I don't use it to get ready anyway, so it doesn't matter.

My favorite movie ever, Singing in the Rain, is on TV, so we're watching it. I just adore this movie. Yes, there are some scenes that are really long and boring, but many parts of it I just love. When I was really little I wanted to marry Gene Kelly. I'm not sure if he was dead at the time or not.

Even though we're doing a ton of running around and shopping, I'm actually quite relaxed. I'm a little sad to back to school because I will have to face the world and papers and tests and everything I'm not ready for, though I am excited to see my friends and enjoy all the things I love about going to school. Even if I don't have near enough energy to do it all and will get no sleep when I go back for a few days.

There are so many things I wanted to do this week that I just didn't do. I really wanted to work on my scrapbook and buy people's Christmas presents and work on my story, but I ended up watching movies with my family, reading the 5th Harry Potter book, and playing my sister's SIMS2 on our computer. I don't know how I have less time at home then I do at school, but I do.

I think I need my dog at school with me to keep my stress level down.

I think college is one of the most selfish times in a person's life. They have no family with them, no one except their friends and roommates to care about, and they have to make all kinds of decisions about their future. That's not a bad thing, as it is an important stage of life, but sometimes I hate it.

Good night, bowl full of mush

You know, I tried to not take a nap today so I could be tired and go to bed early, but around 6pm my eyes started closing and I felt physically exhausted and sick. So I laid down for a few minutes (it ended up being an hour but I'm not sure if I fell asleep or not) until my cell phone ringing scared the crap out of me.

My grandmother's dog ate two pounds of chocolate and got sick, but he seems to be okay now.

Am I a terrible person for thinking that people are vindictive sometimes? (Don't answer that..) It's just that sometimes people really don't do things as accidents. Yes, most of the time they are not and I am a highly suspicious person, but sometimes they are. Growing up, if anyone at school said something mean, my mom would always say "They have low self-esteem, so that's why" or "They probably have problems at home" and it used to drive me crazy. All I wanted was a little sympathy for me, not the other person. I wonder if it is because of my mother that I enjoy studying why people act or think a certain way so much. Now I am starting to analyze people's actions just as much as she does. Is it bad that I start using sociological theories to explain my family?

My favorite Christmas movie is "The Muppet Christmas Carol". I watch it all the time when it's around Christmas. My poor roomie's going to hate it before finals start **) he he.....

Aren't colors amazing? Today was so nice looking and the sky so blue that I wanted to twirl around in it and be a part of it, even if all I can see is parking lots and the roads to dance in.

One of the things I really wanted to see when my family moved to Oklahoma City was the art museum, because when I lived in St.Louis a glass sculptor/blower did an amazing glass exhibit at the botanical garden that I just loved, and this artist Chihuly has a large exhibit in the OKC musuem, as I think he lived there or something. The glass was soo cool! There was this glass ceiling in one room that was completely amazing. The art makes you happy like nothing I've ever seen.

Seriously, if anyone can duplicate this kind of art, I'd like to see it.

My favorite...Thanksgiving food!

Well....I'm not a big turkey fan, I hate cranberry sauce, I tried sweet potoatoes for the first time last week and they were okay, and I hate most pies, but I love any and all bread made by my mother, and I love her stuffing.

Today I laid on my bed with my head on the pillow and took like 20 pictures of myself. I was practicing closing my eyes and then opening them when the flash went off so my eyes would be open in the picture, with mixed results. I think I got my headache from that. Good night, everyone.

Is it me?

I took a bunch of blogger quizzes today-most were stupid, but some I actually found amusing, so here they are.

You Are a Fortune Cookie

You're a rather normal person, except that you have extraordinary luck in life. People want to be around you (even when they're a little sick of you), in hopes of being lucky too!

What Kind of Cookie Are You?

You Are a Red Flower

A red flower tends to represent power, seduction, and desire. At times, you are loving like a red tulip. And at other times, you're very enthusiastic, like a bouvardia. And more than you wish, your passion is a bit overwhelming, like a red rose.

What Color Flower Are You?

You Belong in Barcelona

When it comes to Europe, you don't want to decide between culture and fun. You want art by day and a big party by night. Barcelona is ideal for you. You can check out some Picasso, eat some tapas, take a siesta, and then dance all night!

What European City Do You Belong In?

You Should Be an Actor

You have a flair for the dramatic, and you probably already do a lot of acting in your day to day life, just to entertain yourself. No need to steal the spotlight from your friends... You'll get plenty of attention once you start acting professionally!

What Sort of Artist Should You Be?

Your Heart Is Green

Love completes you, but that doesn't mean you seek it out. When love comes your way, you integrate it peacefully into the rest of you life. Your flirting style: Laid back Your lucky first date: Walking around aimlessly and talking Your dream lover: Is both enthusiastic and calm What you bring to relationships: Balance

What Color Heart Do You Have?

Any opinions?

$7.51 for a chapstick, anyone?

I didn't have any cash on me and I only had $18.00 in my Wells Fargo account (as all my real money is in my Bank of America account that apparently does not exist in Utah) and the stupid ATM makes you withdraw at least 20 dollars, so I had to use my debit card in twilight zone to buy some desperately needed chapstick (I'm still not used to being in the desert of Utah weather), which meant I needed to spend a substantial amount of money so I didn't get a dumb fee from Visa for not spending enough. All this meant that I had to wander around twilight zone, trying to find stuff to buy. At least my roommate and I get to try this foreign chocolate I spotted today (it looks german), so that's something at least.

I'm actually in a really good mood today! My roommate Jen and I went to socialize last night after Ward Prayer, and we went to this really awesome guy's apartment that was completely hillarious. I had a great time. I thought I was going to have to do my singing test today in my vocal class, but instead my teacher brought her husband in to do a men's workshop into going into falsetto while us girls watched. I felt bad for them, because they were all like, "I feel dumb-we sound like girls!"

Then I got a postcard from my friend Alex in Paris!!!!! She says she has art history classes in the Louvre every week It sounds amazing. I've love to go to Italy or Paris. I think going anywhere in Italy would be soooo cool. Maybe Alex and I can go to Italy together someday.

I have hardly any food. Or maybe I just don't want what I have. Why is good cooking so much work? I swear I'm going to gain like ten pounds when I go home. Maybe that's a good thing though, since I've been losing weight here.

I used to dislike the song "Iris" by Goo Goo Dolls, but my friend Ali put this song to an anime music video, and suddenly I like it. The same thing made me fall in love with Ryan Cabrerra when she put two of his songs into videos. Ali, you need to make more videos. How else will I discover new music?

Okay, today's Favorite section is:

My favorite scent is Cherry Blossom. I decided this is what Sakura from CCS smells like, and I'd like to smell like her. One of my friends asked me how I know what an anime character smells like, but her name means "cherry blossom" in Japanese, so it's like, "Of course that's what she smells like. What kind of question is that???" Besides, I was walking on campus one day and these two random boys I walked past said something smelled like cherries. Do you think I'm going to use something else?


On another note, I've always dreamed of going to the Cherry Blossom festival in Washington D.C. The problem is, you never know when the trees are going to bloom, so you can't exactly plan for a trip like that in advance. If a guy ever took me to the cherry blossom festival, I'd probably marry him. This also applies to a festival in Japan.

Life isn't worth living if I can't be beautiful!!!*

I wrote a lovely long angry and bitter article for this post but decided it will be much better sitting in the darkness of my computer folder than on this post, and I was going to replace it with an article about Crumple-Horned Snorkacks, but it turned out that article about Harry Potter and whats-his-name replaced it in that edition of the Quibbler, so you get this rambling nonsense.

So...yeah. During the summer, I had a long dream about the beginning of my new story, but as I left the first part of it at home on accident and I didn't want my parents going through my files to send it to me, I've been waiting to work on it until Thanksgiving. I really don't even know if I like it anymore. The story seems somewhat fake even to me. I've always liked fantasy novels and stories simply because they weren't real, and they help you forget the real world, but stories that touch you in the real world are great too, because you can't hide forever.

I had a thought today that most people simply aren't that compassionate. I used to think everyone was as a child, but most people tend to have a "get over yourself' kind of attitude that isn't very kind. I'm not saying we should sit around and wait for people to come to us with every little problem, but I think people would be happier if someone was there to say, "You know what? I don't understand what you're going through, but I will still listen and be here for you anyway." Why aren't there more people like that?

As my last post didn't have a favorites section, this one can have two:

The First is movie most seen. This is really dumb but...a longggg time ago in middle school I had never seen any anime movies before, but my friend Ali used to draw Sailor Moon characters in her notebook in class and she'd tell me about it, and I saw the Sailor Moon R (that's the name of the series) movie and I instantly bought it. It was what got me hooked on anime and even though it's really cheesy and stuff, I've probably seen it 30 times, no joke. There was a time when I could quote all of the movie from memory except this one part with a news broadcast. I bet I could still do part of it if I really tried.

The Second is my favorite musical. I love a whole bunch of musicals, but my top three are:

1-Evita (movie though)
2-Wicked
3-Aida

My dad and my sister and I used to sing Evita in the car together, our favorite being "Another Suitcase in Another Hall" even though my dad can't sing at all and normally doesn't like it. You know, when I was younger I used to sing christmas carols in the car with my family, but no one really liked it but me. My parents didn't know most of the words and my sister hated singing wth people. If you sang with her she stopped singing so usually we 'd be singing two different songs at the same time.

*The title is actually a quote from "Howl's Moving Castle" and is completely hillarious. The very vain wizard Howl is upset after Sophie ruins all his hair potions when she cleans the house.

Do the Cocomotion with me!

My life constantly confuses me.

I feel like I am in a haze, and am slow to respond to everything. Paper is late? big deal. You slept until 11am? That's okay! I think those flannel sheets I bought on sale were a mistake, because now I no longer wish to get out of bed.

Our cable finally works! Amazing what they can do in 2 months time...oh, our amazing technology...so, this was the first episode of the Office that I was actually able to watch on televison. It was quite exciting. For those who aren't aware (or can pretend to want to hear again) Phyllis Smith on the Office is actually related to me! My grandpa and her are cousins. I haven't met her since I was like five, of course, but it's still nice to know. It's weird, because I have no idea what her personality is like in real life, but I have to remind myself that Phyllis on the show is different from the real person. I feel like if I ever met her in person, I'd ask how Bob Vance was.

I was randomly flipping through the channels last night instead of writing my sociology paper, when I came across a debate for the Oklahoma governors on CSPAN! Normally I don't actually follow this kind of thing, but I've actually met the republican canidate, as he's in my ward back home, so I decided to watch. I strongly agreed with Istook (the republican canidate), but then I'm probably biased both since I know him and I tended to agree with the issues he was talking about (P.S. I'm not republican, but I do agree with quite a few of their stances, and I happened to agree on the ones they were talking about). In fact, it gave me an idea for my sociology paper.

I just wrote two paragraphs on tv....my life is sad. I was reading this dilbert comic in the newspaper the other day, and it went as follows....

Dilbert: It's another day of useless and work and no accomplishment. Luckily I have a meaningful personal life.

(Random dog person): Ratbert broke the XBox.

Dilbert: GAAA!!! I HAVE NOTHING!

Unfortunately I have almost no social life, so this felt sadly familar to me.

For my vocal class I had to check this book out of the library called the inner game of tennis. I didn't really think it would be an athletic book, but oh yes it was. I felt so dumb sitting in this section of books about sports, considering I am terrible at any and all sports, except that I did dance when I was younger, but that doesn't really count.

But the book was really good! It talks about how tennis is half mental, and you basically have to stop thinking about how bad or good you are and just play. It was really interesting.

The haze seems to have cleared a bit. Time for another day.