Dance Sport!

BYU hosted a National Amateur Dance Competition this weekend, and it was so amazing. I loved watching everyone from the professionals to the six-year olds who were amazing at swing. Even more than watching, I loved dancing! I entered with the beginning Dance 180 social dance students, dancing the cha cha. My partner and I just wanted to have fun, but we never dreamed we'd be called back four times! Even though we didn't make it to the semi-finals, being in the top 64 out of 240 couples was pretty amazing for us.

Oh, I think they do

I get frustrated frequently by what I feel I should be. Countless people around me tell me I shouldn't care what other people think, but if I act like that, I'm really only doing it to please them, and in that case I'm still looking at others to decide what I should do!

So to be me, and have people like it, is a strange experience. It's kind of fun.

I learned in my MFHD 210 Child Development class that teenage boys are more likely to think they're invinicble and teenage girls are more likely to perform to an imaginary audience. So, it makes sense to me that I am concerned about what people will think. I'm trying to not care, but it's a hard feeling to get rid of.

I have a class that I've missed rather often lately, but I decided to go to today, and it was cancelled!!!! Why did it have to be today? Oh well. Now I have extra time, so I can do useful things like write in this blog.

I love my dance class. It makes me feel talented. And girls get to be spun around all the time, and that's my favorite part. I got a 91 on my fox trot test!!!! I was so proud of myself. I certainly am not doing that well in my major classes, so it was nice to do really well for a change.
In the not too distant future I'm going to be competing in Dance Sport with the cha cha! I'll post pictures up here when that happens, because I'm really excited.

Things on my radar right now:

-"Hero/Heroine" Boys Like Girls
-"The Way I am" Ingrid Michaelson
-Anna the Bot: a really weird sweedish music video my roommmates and I like to watch
-blackberry yogurt-sadly, I haven't had it in a while because of my cold :(
-when I walk through the bookstore, I stop and look at the easter candy. They have these Dove truffles in a package, and I've picked it up and looked at it like three times. I might buy it sometime, but that might ruin things.
-I keep looking at where the clock used to be in the living room, even when I'm facing where the clock currently is.
-my favorite anime (of the moment, Tsubasa Chronicle) is no longer on You Tube with english subtitles, only in spanish!!! Is this worth learning spanish for?
-I like Thousand Paper Crane's song "February 14th".

I am me, and you are you

I've become a big fan lately of Regina Spektor's song On the Radio. It's kind of weird if you listen to it, but I've always thought her lyrics were very profound. Here's my favorite part:

"This is how it works:
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until laugh
And everyone must breathe until their dying breath..."

I think those lyrics are amazing.

A friend told me lately that no one really says anything profound. We just think it is because we finally understand it. I think it's true. Still, I think we all need that push, that "inspiration", that drive. To me, this song is saying, "that's how it is." That's it. Certain things are how they are, and don't go away. We just have to change how we deal with them.

Why do musicals make you feel so happy?

Oh, you know...

It occured to me today that I haven't written at all this month, and perhaps I should have. Today in Sacrament Meeting (our main church meeting) people were speaking on time management and priorities, including my roommmate Jen. It makes me think. I don't think my intended priorities are necessarily bad, but maybe what I actually spend my time on is. If you think about it, your real priorites are what you spend time on, otherwise you wouldn't be doing them. So, you have to think, what have I been doing that isn't important, and what haven't I been doing that is?

So, I do a lot of pointless things, but I was thinking, maybe they aren't so bad. Yes, I'm on facebook a lot, but I'm also keeping in touch with my friends. And yes, maybe talking to my roommates at 2 in the morning means I get very little sleep, but I have great friendships with those girls. And as my dad pointed out, the story I've been working on "apparently" describes me very well, so I'm learning to understand myself and others while writing it. It also helps me to accept criticism.

I'm not saying that I should do those this obsessively, or that I should stop doing my homework, but I think I need to understand the concequences of the things I'm doing to figure out what I should be doing. Make sense?

Sometimes being happy is frightening, because you're afraid it will go away.

Favorite Section:

Today's selection of favorites will be: shoes

I really like shoes. My last two pairs of tennis shoes were the kind that have elastic criss-crossing straps instead of laces, and I love it. They're so easy to slip on! When those go out of style I'm going to be in trouble if I've forgotten how to tie my shoes.

We Love You, President Hinckley

For those who are unaware, our beloved Prophet Gordon B. Hinckley passed away Sunday night. He was also the head of the board of Trustees for BYU. I am grateful that he is able to be with his wife that he missed so much, but sad that I won't get to hear him speak in conference. His talks were always the highlight.

In an earlier post, I addressed the question of whether it is better to do good or be good. President Hinckley's answer is to do both.

"You are good. But it is not enough just to be good. You must be good for something. You must contribute good to the world. The world must be a better place for your presence. And the good that is in you must be spread to others."

-Gordon B. Hinckley, BYU Devotional, 1996 (before my time, of course)

On another note, I was walking on campus today when I saw several "wet paint" signs on a wall that had been recently painted. Why is it people always put the signs right on top of the wet paint? Don't the signs mess up the paint? It confuses me.

You're tied together with a smile, but you're coming undone

Something I've learned recently is that you don't have to have all the answers. Sometimes, I think people forget that.

In my very first MFHD class at BYU, in my family processes class, my professor said that someone didn't want to have a family if there were so many ways you could screw it all up. Dr. Day said, "You can mess it up, but it's better to go through life with a partner than to make mistakes doing it alone." (not a direct quote)

I don't think it means you're in trouble either way, but I do think he was saying that so much potential joy is worth some of the risks. Sometimes it isn't, but I think sometimes it is.

I think I need more culture in my life. Anyone want to see a play with me?

Princess Parking Only (All others will be toad)

Happy New Year, everyone!

I've heard some discrepencies as far as what matters. Some say it is what you do that matters, others say it is what you are that matters. Since I have no clue which one is better, I suppose I should work on both.

I think I understand people a lot less than I thought I did. I thought that people didn't notice things about me, but they did all along and just didn't say anything. Knowing that people do care makes me want to be a better person.

After several months, I have officially declared myself a Marriage, Family, and Human Development major. Hurray! I've been taking classes all along, but it was stil a shock to discover that I only have 6 classes for my major left after this semester. I love being at BYU, and to think of leaving after next year seems way too soon. But then, maybe all steps in our lives are managable. I used to imagine that college courses were really hard, but I'm not confused all the time. Classes are definitely dificult, but they are also manageable. Frequently, I love it. Perhaps having a career in a field I love could turn out the same way.

I used to think that the perfect love in movies was so difficult to find. I mean, how often does a couple that is so perfect find each other, and actually be compatible? And yet it happens. I've taken a number of marriage classes for my major, and I can say that not only was Sarah the most prepared person I've ever seen get married, but Sarah and Kevin are also so perfect for each other. Maybe it can happen after all.

BYU has a free movie theatre on campus that shows foreign films, so I was finally able to see an edited version of Amelie. That movie is amazing. It not only makes you want to fall in love but also convinces you that even if you're strange, there's someone strange (but cute) out there that's perfect for you.

I'd like to make some goals for the new year:

-I'm completely cutting off soda, for now
-eat healthier
-start doing my strength training exercises again
-go to class
-do my reading assignments
-verbalize my emotions instead of bottling them up
-see all the foreign films I can that look good at the international cinema
-start conditioning my hair
-cook real food more
-forgive others more and take offense less

With so many goals, surely something will get done.

Today's happy moments of the day:
-emails from missionaries
-friendly conversations with roommates
-amazing chocolate cake

I'll try to not burn the apartment down...

Life takes funny turns sometimes.

It's funny how sometimes you can feel really grown-up, and sometimes really immature.

We talked in my aging class about how you're an adult when your parents stop being "Santa Claus" and you finally give things back to people, even if your contributions are small. The idea that I can finally contribute makes me feel happy, in a serious way.

One person told me a lesson I taught on marriage had stuck with her, and another person asked me for relationship advice, and told me it was good advice.

I'm finally feeling maybe what I'm doing with my life, and my major, could be something good.

Another person I've looked up to for things my whole life asked me for something.

I think I like this Christmas present.

Let's Play Rachel's Game!

I like being happy.

Do you know what makes me happy? Here is a list of a few things:

-great ideas late at night that never come to pass

-purple pens

-sweaters

-cake

-chivalry

-roommates

-quotes that are imortalized seconds after being said

-new versions of "rock,paper, scissors"

-laughing

-cases of those small oranges

-fleece blankets

-watching movies when I should be studying

-quiet boys

-christmas songs

-hot chocolate

-phone calls

-caramel and cheese popcorn mixed

-crisp air

-walking in the snow

-cream soda

-Thousand Paper Cranes

-romance

-inside jokes

-other people's snacks

-sunday dinner

-writing stories

-scum (the game)

-missionary letters

Maybe simple things influence my happiness, but I think that's a good thing.

November

November is usually a very interesting month for me. Towards the end of it is Thanksgiving, so I am looking forward to going home for that. For some reason, Thanksgiving holiday is different than Christmas. Christmas is awesome (especially since it's more than a week long), but usually I'm taking finals right up until I leave so I feel less excited, plus I was home just a couple weeks ago.

Thanksgiving, I'm usually reaching the end of my tether, as far as school is concerned, so I'm much more excited to go. This year, though, I will be spending it in OKC for the first time with just my parents. Last year, at least Sarah and Grandma were there with me. I think if it had been like this two years ago, when I first came to college, I would have hated it. I would have been so desperate for my extended family I would have been miserable. This year, I think I'll be fine. I no longer hate Oklahoma the way I thought I would. Isn't it interesting the way life changes?

By the way, I don't really like turkey.

Or pie.

Or Macy's Thanksgiving parade.

I do like rolls, stuffing, and green bean casserole, though.

And my family.

And my dog.

Happy November, Everyone!

And may I say, Kevin is the funniest librarian I know.

Yes, I did just hit my head on the doorframe

Today is not my day

Is it yours?

If I can’t be happy

I’d like you to be

I’ve got bruises

And sleep in my eyes

Today has little hope

But just maybe,

If today is your day

Our day can coincide

And today can be a pretty good day

I don’t want to ruin your plans

But I want both of us to be happy

So, let’s make it our day

Will you share?


I often wonder, if today is not "my day", then whose is it? I have hope that even if it does not start out as being my day, it will be by the end.

Today, Little Brother, Life is Good

You know, sometimes life is boring and unhappy, and you forget that life can actually be quite good.

I AM SO HAPPY!

The last month has been absolutely insane (hence no entries) but quite wonderful. I have been having the time of my life.

1-Sarah's wedding shower. I put a lot of effort into helping plan it, and despite making three quiches and the very last minute and some minor problems, it was a lot of fun. I enjoyed being part of the "adult world" and being able to contribute to Sarah's wedding.

2-Sarah's rehearsal dinner. Despite stressing over my MOH toast, I had fun talking to my extended family. Everyone really enjoyed my toast, and it made me feel good. My favorite part was my cousin Mae seeing my bridesmaid bracelet (similar to her flower girl bracelet) and saying, "are you a flower girl too?" It was so cute!

3-Sarah's wedding was completely awesome. The entire day was great. I loved everything, from getting our hair done to waiting on the peaceful temple grounds to chilling on a bench with Kevin during pictures to getting lunch at Arby's in the car on the way to the reception to the strawberry cream hors d'oeuvres to talking to all our family friends to spending most of the reception dancing with my cousins. IT WAS AWESOME! I think it's a day we're all going to look back on as one the happiest moments in our lives.

4-Starting my 3rd year of college. Despite starting a week late, despite being behind, this year is already awesome. I have three fantastic roommates who always make me laugh and encourage me to be a better person. Our apartment is great, the ward is friendly, and I like my classes already. I am really getting into my major now (Marriage, Family, and Human Development) and I know now more than ever that this is what I want to do.

5-Homecoming! Despite being talked into it my my roommates, I'm really glad I went. Our whole apartment went together with a huge group of eight. What girl doesn't like to be treated like a princess?

With all these great things happening, who knows what the year will bring?

Why aren't my eyebrows singed?

From May to August, as long as I've been home this summer, I've broken two glasses and a glass jar. I think this is a new record for me. I would like to point out all three times I was barefoot, and still avoided major injury. I think that's pretty lucky, don't you?

I've been stressed before. I think in the past year I've been stressed 60% of the time. So I'm used to it. The fact that pretty much everyone around me is stressed too is what makes me insane. I personally can't wait for life to settle down. I love my family, and I think they are mainly what make me happy. My life though, is set by routines. I like having a schedule of classes every day. I like walking the same way to class each week. I like ordering my favorite sandwich and getting the same soda from the vending machines. Perhaps my life sounds boring, but I find comfort in the monotony's. When I am in a routine, my brain is free to think.

I have been reading the Anne of green gables books lately, and I think I would find her to be a "kindred spirit". The only thing is, She doesn't dream so much and I still do. Tell me, where can I find Gilbert?

Thinking of vending machines really makes me want a red a&w cream soda now.

I'll tell you when you're 25

This weekend, I went to see The Fray in concert! It was pretty much the coolest thing ever. They sang all the songs I wanted, and they were just as good live as they are on the cd. The special effects really cool too! They did this flashing red and black thing during the song "Little House". I wish I could repeat that every time I listen to the song.

I also had a great time visiting St. Louis (where the concert was) though I could have done without the 2 1/2 hour delay of my flight........or the twenty minutes we spent driving a mere mile and a half on the highway...but the rest was great. Normally when we go up to St. Louis, it's either the 8 hour car ride from OKC or the 3 hour flight from Salt Lake, and both are torture. Then we have 50 million people to eat with and talk to and things to do, so it was nice to avoid all that and just have a good time. I'll post the pics from the concert later...when I eventually get them developed.

I love fireworks. Maybe I'm patriotic, or maybe I just like shiny things. We saw some today and we'll see some tomorrow too.

Tell me, is it worth it to get up at 8am for pancakes?

Flying Yogurt and Lots of Drama

"Every single person has at least one secret that would break your heart. If we could just remember this, I think there would be a lot more compassion and tolerance in the world"~Postsecrets~

This quote was on a friend's facebook page, and it really struck a chord with me, because I think it's true. If we realized this, all the people we thought were mean, or lazy, or apathetic, would suddenly have a reason for it, and we would empathize with them. Everyone has problems, but for some reason most people for get about everyone else's problems. Or, they notice the problems that can be seen, and forget the hidden problems.

Sometimes those who are doing nothing are going through a struggle you could not endure.

There is so much good music coming out this summer! I need a job just to keep up with all the music I want.

Here are the three things I am keeping my eye on:

1-Mandy's Moore's Wild Hope. At first I didn't think I would like it, since it sounds a bit folksy, and I like upbeat music. However, she was in Oklahoma City this week, and she did a live radio program that I listened to, and I want the whole cd. Really. And by the way, she is just as good live as she is on recording. How many artists do that?

2-Kelly Clarkson, whenever or whatever, I'm buying it. While I don't think I'll like the style of this new CD as much as Breakaway, it's Kelly. I have to buy it. Supposedly coming out this summer, I will pounce on it the week it hits the stores.

3-Maroon 5. At first their new single, Makes me Wonder, was just okay, but I've been listening to it since then, and it is slowly growing on me (not to mention it's been on almost every talk show in existance), and now I love it.

I love my family. That's all I'm going to say.

Run from the Panic Man

I'm one of those people that actually works better under pressure. If I have a paper due tomorrow-or today, even, I can churn out those pages like none other. If it's due in a week, I congratulate myself if I've even read what it's about. Even if I don't procrastinate, there are times when the stress just hits me like a hammer.

With my two worst finals left, books to sell back, LOTS of packing-apparently I have a lot of stuff-and my family coming in town, this is one of those times. I begin to worry that I won't finish in time-and yes, I have until Saturday to have all of my things out of the apartment, but no doubt I will be entertaining family thursday and friday for my sister's graduation, so I am packing like a madman today. It's weird, because I keep remembering more and more things to pack. The number of boxes I have is getting smaller, but my stuff just keeps multiplying. One more box? No, maybe two-three-oh, just bring 10. I have too much stuff!

I find a strange satisfaction in packing. Perhaps it is because I am preparing to go home. and I am unbelieveably excited. It could be that although I may not do well in school, at least I can accomplish something! I wonder if UPS is hiring....

In reality, I really think I just want to go home, and packing passes the time. Once I am packed, I can go home, right? That's what I keep hoping. Eventually I'll be done, and then I'll get on that plane and all the stress falls off me. Until I get home, and the unpacking begins.

Writer's Unblock

sunlight bright
forcing me to be alive
allowing me to waken
forbidding the cold
helping the flowers grow
causing friendliness
giving love a chance
making us free

Though I don't appreciate the face that my arms and ears are burning from my rest in the sun today, I still enjoyed myself, people watching and feeling the warm sun on me. It's a feeling that can't really be compared to anything else. It's like pure light is touching you.

I love spring!

ZZZZZ..............

I read an old friend's myspace page today, and he had a theory of momentum where if you have nothing to do, you aren't stressed or upset about things, but you feel completely empty, which is even worse. He said that he would rather feel something than sit there doing and feeling nothing, so he says to go for life!

I feel this way a lot too. My schedule's rather lighter this semester, which you'd think means that I'd have more time to do well in all of my classes, but instead it has turned me into a slacker and I hate it. I keep getting so bored!!! I want something to do....It's funny, but I keep feeling like I should pack soon for going home. I always start packing for things way in advance, because I feel like I won't have enough time. Both times I moved homes growing up I packed up stuff in my room before half the house was packed up. Unfortunately, with a month left of being in Provo, I need almost all I would want to pack. At some point I'm going to have a Purging Party, where I get rid of all the excess stuff I have in my room, so I can actually have a managable life.

I'd really like to get into writing again, but I just can't seem to find my inspiration. Do you have it?

Some days I have to remind myself that no one's going to slap my wrist if I don't do something. This is both good and bad for me. Bad, because that is no longer a motivator for me to do something, and good, because I tend to get stressed if I can't accomplish anything.

Suddenly my apartment feels really stuffy. It's time to head outside.

Simple Things

Sarah and her friends are doing posts involving five things that make you happy/smile. I'm doing something similiar, except mine is just going to be about the little things, things people don't notice, and don't take forever to explain. It doesn't mean they are more important than family, friends, God, or anything else, I'm just doing it my way.

#1-Sunshine walks to school

I say sunshine because walking to school freezing, wearing ten layers when it's overcast is not nearly as fun as wearing short sleeves, sunglasses and enjoying the warmth on your skin. I love walking to school because it is a time in my life where I am surrounded by silence and I can think about things, or I can not think at all if I need some quiet. It's a perfect break between working on stuff at home and furiously taking notes in class.


#2-Phone calls to friends

Even though I love have convenient the internet is and I'm on there every day for at least three hours, nothing replaces phone calls. I talk to my friend Ali almost every day online, but when her internet broke and I called her instead, I realized how much I had missed it.

#3-Music that defines my life

It amazes me how many songs feel like they were written for me. Some are happy, some are not, but music is like poetry in that it explains and understands the heart and soul more than any logic can.


#4- My dog

Once I had a friend that said she prefers cats over a dog because you have to work for a cat's affection where dogs just give it to whomever, but I quite prefer a dog's unconditional love (plus I can't stand cats). My dog makes me smile.




#5 Shopping

Did you know that shopping produces endorphins? I believe it. I love all forms of shopping: the dollar store, the bookstore, wal-mart, the mall, a scrapbooking store, whatever. Perhaps I just like things, perhaps I like to see what is out and popular, perhaps I just love the exercise. Either way, it's my favorite way to spend the day.

Is it so hard to find matching socks on a bad day?

My life is a mess.

I don't quite know how that happened, but it did. I've gotten to the point in the semester where I know longer care what happens. It's funny, because I could be studying for my tests coming up, or working on this semster, but instead I'm looking at classes for next semester, even though registration isn't for another month.

I think sometimes people look to the future becuase they don't like where they are now. It's like daydreaming: when class is boring, we think about something more enjoyable. Come fall I won't be so excited about my classes, but right now they sound great!

Do you ever dread telling someone something because you know you won't like their reaction, but you tell them anyway, hoping that you're wrong, and when you were right after all you feel completely crushed? I suppose we can't change how people think or feel any more than they can change us. Sometimes our friends aren't as perfect as we'd like them to be, but as they are human that's only to be expected.

I had a powerade once and I didn't like it, but for some reason, looking at the machines filled with them on campus makes me want one. I know I won't like the taste (to me it's like really weak lemonaide) but I stil have the desire for one. Why don't I just buy the drink I know I will like instead?

I think somewhere inside of me I refuse to accept to be ordinary, to stay still. I want to move forward, even if the future isn't any better than here. At least I will have moved.